snigger

Right. So. The whole hair streaking thing turned out to be a total disaster. Is anybody surprised?
My friend, B ( my accomplice in operation Mulberry Bush) was under house arrest because her mother has this irrational concern about her actually passing her exams ( don’t ask me why, people worry about the strangest things) so………….. cue the creepy music………I decided to do it myself.
That’s right ladies and gentlemen, I did it myself, alone and unsupervised. Well, not completely alone, my cousin R stood a safe distance away and laughed his arse off ( he did the same thing that time I started a fire in the kitchen and that other time I poisoned the dog and that time when I fell off the custard apple tree and that time I thought it would be a good idea to wear my roller-skates while I cut the salad and that unfortunate incident with the…. never mind) - but he has chicken pox now so it just goes to show….. I have connections. Mwahahaha. Ahem. Anyway…….
My mother has decreed that from now on I am not to be allowed contact with any sort of dye ( hair or otherwise) without adult supervision and said adult supervision is not to be conducted by my father who once let me paint his toenails purple and then went to the club wearing sandals.
But I lurve my mommy!!!!! Wanna know why? It’s because she comes up with the most amazing ideas. Allow me to explain.
I have really short hair at the moment, so I didn’t need to use all of the hair dye and my mother comes home, takes one look at my head, sees the left over dye and says- get this- she says “Why don’t you use the rest of it on your brother’s hair?”
So I’m standing there, thinking did I really just hear that? Is it Christmas already? What on earth did he do to piss her of this much? ………….. And when did my mother get this evil? ………. Hmmm.. I wonder if its hereditary….
To properly understand my enthusiasm, you must bear in mind that I have wild, brown curls and my brother has straight, jet black, SHINY hair that I have envied my entire life. Get the picture?
So she convinces him to go along with it and he sits there with his eyes closed ( I think he was praying) and actually lets me dye his hair!!!!!!! I kept cackling like a bloody maniac and he still let me do it!!!!!!
Well…. He sure as heck regrets it now. Mwhahahaha. Ahem.
I’m alright now.
And you know what the best part is, we’re in the same college ( he’s 2 years older than me) and I got to see him walking around all day wearing a cap! Lol.
Well, he had to, to cover up with big orange patch in front ( hey, is it my fault he panicked after I was done and washed it off too early?)
And I swear my mother is evil…… she stood there and took pictures. Wow. I just can’t compete with her. My brother must have rrrrrrrrreaaaaaaaaally pissed her off.
Anyway, after I dyed my bro’s hair, poor virtual chameleon was treated to yet another phone call from a seriously hyped up me and he was kind enough to inform me that I was a cruel, cruel woman……….. though that didn’t stop him from asking me for the pictures. Sorry to say, VC, my bro’s not that crazy. The pictures have already been destroyed.
So that concludes that story……………. Please send your blessings to my brother, the poor guy really needs them *snigger* and your sympathies to Virtual Chameleon. The boy has been through so much ( midnight calls from me when I’ve had too much coffee and a shopping excursion for “female products” with my friend Babs and I after which he had to carry them around in a transparent bag among other things) and yet he refuses to cave under the pressure and off himself.
His continued existence is a tribute to his patience and belief in the human race………. Not to mention his dream of someday being involved in my slow and painful death.
So carry on people and hope to the Gods you never piss me off. Mwhahahahaha. I’ll sick my mum on you and she’s descended from a long line of warriors ……….. and quite a few poets but we don’t talk about them.

I just re-read this, and I really do need professional help, don’t I?
Everyone who thinks I do require the services of a licensed psychiatrist say Aye!